My ectopic pregnancy story

October 18, 2021 | davinabehinjones

Content Warning: pregnancy loss

At the end of July, I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to undergo emergency surgery.

Self portrait of having an ectopic pregnancy. Digitally drawn in Procreate.

*Ectopic Pregnancy is when the embryo doesn’t implant in the uterus like it should. The baby cannot develop properly but its growth in other places can damage organs and cause internal bleeding. It is the leading cause of death during the first trimester of pregnancy.

*There are two main treatments: surgery to remove the pregnancy or an injection of methotrexate (a special drug that dissolves the pregnancy). Surgery becomes necessary when there is internal bleeding.

In my case, the embryo had gotten stuck inside my right Fallopian tube. They don’t know why it lodged there. The surgeon explained that sometimes there are potholes inside the tubes that snag the embryo. There isn’t enough research as to why those potholes form or anything really. At five weeks and five days pregnant, my tube ruptured.

I was in a lot of pain and could barely walk. My husband, Nick, helped me to the ER and they referred us on to a bigger hospital where they could run an internal ultrasound to see what was going on. Of course they found the ruptured tube and had me in for surgery by five that morning. They removed my entire right Fallopian tube along with the baby.

They said it was a good thing Nick brought me in as quickly as he did.

It was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. It was also the saddest and very confusing. No one at the hospital explained that we would lose the baby. Just that I had to have the surgery. I was eager to stop the pain and was immensely grateful they could help me, but the fact that I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore only hit once I got home.

I want to share my story now as part of Baby Loss Awareness Week. I think it’s important to talk about these sad things. Anyone else who has gone through this, or anything similar, I want you to know you’re not alone.

I would also like to thank all the medical staff who helped save my life. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. Thank you also to those who reached out to me, sharing in the grief when it was so fresh and raw. You are my true family.

And a huge thank you to Nick for – well, EVERYTHING. Having you by my side through this has been my salvation.

Feelings of guilt and remorse

Self portrait sketch of the feeling of losing a pregnancy. Digitally drawn in Procreate.

I know rationally that it wasn’t my fault and the doctors all said there was no way I could have caused this or even known it would happen. Yet there lingers a terrible sense of remorse, like my body killed my baby.

I wish I could undo it. I wish my parts functioned properly. I wish you were still with us, my little Sesame.

I drew this sketch the week following my emergency surgery.

Reconciling my “before self” and “after self”…

I started this self portrait when I found out I was pregnant. I was planning on giving it a cute, magical background, with tiny frogs and things floating around my head. I didn’t get very far with it when I had to go to the ER.

Self portrait based on a photo. Drawn digitally in Procreate.

Trying to heal from surgery while processing the grief was overwhelming. I kept having nightmares full of blood. Eventually those stopped and my incisions healed. But emotionally I am far from okay.

Doing art about it helps me come to terms with what happened.

I went back to this drawing during my convalescence post-op. This is how it came out… I don’t think it’s really finished but I don’t want to work on it anymore so I thought I’d share it here.

Tonight, October 15th at 7 o’clock tonight, we will be lighting a candle as part of the Wave of Light to honor all the precious ones lost.

Rover Boy

March 3, 2021March 3, 2021 | davinabehinjones

Rover Boy is a horse character from the 1951 Donald Duck cartoon “Dude Duck.” I needle felted this delightful guy for a custom order.

screen capture from 1951 “Dude Duck” of Rover Boy with hooves outstretched. See his teeth?
Rover Boy made from wool
screen capture: Rover Boy next to Donald Duck. See the “6” branded on his rear?

He has a heavy duty wire armature beneath the felted wool because I knew the customer wanted him to have an imposing presence and he had to be tall. I don’t think of wool as being that heavy, but when the head gets felted that densely, it starts to need serious support. He measures 16 inches long and 13 inches tall.

Because he was so big, he took a long time to felt. Every day I worked on him from morning till well into the night. There was a point where it seemed he would never be complete. I would start working on a hoof and think, “oh I’ll be done with the hooves in a just a few hours” only to have them take days.

But once he got that goofy smile on, I couldn’t help smiling back at him, even knowing I still had a long way to go.

There are times when needle felting strikes me as utterly impractical. It simply takes too much time to make each of my creations. But every time I complete a project like this, it’s all worth it!

I took some videos and wrote a little about the process of making Rover Boy. You can see all the behind the scenes content by joining my Patreon. You also get to vote on what I make next and get early looks at all my projects. Not only that, by joining you’re automatically entered into a random drawing to win your very own oddling Snonkey.

Join me on PATREON

Rover Boy inspired me to make my very first STOP MOTION animation! I fumbled my way through this tiny movie and did everything wrong. I am so proud of it anyway! And I learned SO much.

Rover Boy stop motion movie

Special thanks to Nick, my husband, for Rover’s neigh!

I’ll definitely be making more animations.

Peacock Spider – Maratus elephans

Image | September 23, 2020September 22, 2020 | davinabehinjones

Back in July 2019 (can we even fathom how long ago that was??) I took a vote from my patrons over at my Patreon page. It was decreed I’d needle felt a bowhead whale — AND a peacock spider. I made the bowhead a while back, but this guy has been languishing in my studio far too long. I am profoundly proud to finally announce his completion!

Peacock spider males are famous for their incredibly colorful abdomens, which some can unfurl like a banner for their mating dances.

He is a Maratus elephans specimen. Yes, the name is referencing the elephant-looking design on his flashy abdomen. The blue is sort of shaped like an elephant face with a trunk down the middle with ears off to the sides.

Photo of a *maratus elephans* from the website peacockspider.org (so many amazing photos!)

Real peacock spiders are tiny – some species are as small as 2.5 mm! My sculpture is about 135 mm long, or 5.5 inches.

He is needle felted wool over a thin wire armature. All his joints are easily articulated and even his display flaps can be folded down. His eyes are plastic hot glued in place.

The legs took hours and hours. There are so many, many, many legs.

↓ Move the slider to make him dance ↓

To get a peek behind the scenes of how I made this guy, join my PATREON!

You’ll also get other cool benefits, like a chance to win your own needle felted oddling and vote to decide on what I make next!

Head over to my PATREON page to become part of the team

https://www.patreon.com/familiaroddlings

Want to take this guy home with you? He’s available in my etsy shop: Needle felted Peacock Spider – Maratus elephans

Listen to BIPOC

July 15, 2020July 24, 2020 | davinabehinjones

It is so important for us white folk to open our ears and listen to the voices of Black people, Indigenous people, and POC.

This is a silly art project for a serious theme.

As white people, we can easily ignore other voices out of privileged ignorance. Let us know in the comments how you’re practicing listening to BIPOC voices in your life.

Lend Me Your Ears, my fellow white folks! I’m doing a series of white listening ears and I’d like to draw YOURS.

I need help. This is a community project.

I want to make at least fifty drawings, one daily for fifty days. If you’d be so kind to be part of the project, please send me a pic of your ear. This is about demonstrating the need to listen, not bragging that you are! I’ve gotten 18 ears so far and put them up on my instagram @familiaroddlings. Send me more ears and share this post!

To my BIPOC friends:

Don’t send me your ears. You’ve done SO much listening in your lives! Your thoughts, feelings, or ramblings about whatsoever you feel like putting out here, are welcome! I will listen.

And I WILL DRAW!!!

I’ll make some kind of representation for your comment and make it part of this series. It can be anything. If you have something in mind you’d like me to draw, let me know. If you’d just like to let off steam or anything, I’ll find a way to draw it.

If you are an artist yourself and would like to share it, I’d love to feature it here too!

Thank you for sharing this space with me.

Difficult times

April 22, 2020April 22, 2020 | davinabehinjones

I’ve been struggling with depression and fear and all those types of things, which I’m sure a lot of us have during this time. Moments that leave me without any inspiration at all. It’s been hard. My heart goes out to all of us struggling and those who are suffering the most.

I’m learning to let myself feel whatever it is that I’m feeling and not fight it. No judgement. Create when I can and not pressure myself to produce, produce, produce.

I’m trying to take each moment as it comes.

Take in the joys.

Take in the sorrows.

Let the anger and fear roll through me.

And breathe in hope, when I can.

Be gentle with yourselves, my friends.

Lorises don’t make good pets

February 19, 2020February 18, 2020 | davinabehinjones

*Needle felted wool on wire armature with plastic eyes.*

Lorises are adorable little primates with huge soulful eyes. Their round furry faces have “sad” eyebrow markings. They have tiny hands with five fingers, just like a human baby. They even at times appear to be asking for a hug or a tickle.

But they are not.

YouTube videos of these sweet faced animals lifting their arms and bearing their armpits have gone viral. We want to sweep the little darlings up in a cuddle. But most people don’t know that these critters are venomous and the arm lifted pose is in fact a sign of distress. They lift their arms to lick their inner elbows, where a special gland secretes venom. Their next bite is serious business!

The venom is only one reason why keeping a loris as a pet is a bad idea. They are taken illegally from their natural habitats in destructive ways, their teeth are removed in painful and often lethal procedures, and they are kept in small crowded cages. The stress of bright lights and transportation often kills them. And even if they survive the process of becoming a pet, once in human care, they are almost certainly malnourished. A diet of insects and tree gum is hard for humans to cater. Neither are they suited to human schedules – they are nocturnal and need solid chunks of sleep during the day. They also have complex social lives and need a mysterious combination of space and companionship that science is only just now starting to unravel.

If all those reasons aren’t enough, consider the fact that the pet trade is threatening the wild population of these animals.

I know what you’re thinking.

But they are so cute!

I know, I know.

We want to cuddle one, just one!

I hear you.

What if I told you there was a way to cuddle a loris and keep it in your home without harming it while ALSO helping lorises in the wild?

Watch my video below to find out how:

Please visit The Little Fireface Project to learn more about these amazing denizens of the forest and how to help them.

Lemon curd cheesecake

Image | February 12, 2020February 12, 2020 | davinabehinjones

This year marks the ten year anniversary of the artists’ group, Colony of Coastside Artists, CoCA for short. To celebrate, I made a lemon curd cheesecake and brought it to our meeting.

The piped trim is sour cream buttercream frosting.

The crust is the classic graham cracker crumbs with butter.

I made lemon curd for the first time for this cake!

I had never attempted cheesecake before and this was almost a disaster! I was using a no-bake recipe and couldn’t for the life of me get the filling to thicken up and set. I finally moved it to the stovetop and added agar agar.

I was worried how it would turn out, particularly the texture, but it was well received at the CoCA meeting.

Congratulations to CoCA and especially Patt Sheldon who runs the group nearly single handedly! It’s been wonderful being part of the group and I applaud all the effort that goes into it.

Octonauts Party

February 7, 2020February 7, 2020 | davinabehinjones

I made a chocolate cake for my nephew’s Octonauts themed party. It was a blast! (This is long overdue, as his birthday was back at the end of December, but better late than never.)

Devil’s food chocolate cake with chocolate cream cheese frosting inside is so yummy, this is the second time I’ve made it for his birthday cake. I also like to put chocolate bee bees in the cream cheese layers for extra chocolatey crunchies. The outside frosting is Swiss meringue buttercream.

Using the colorful meringue frosting, I piped out the corals, seaweed, and starfish and froze them a week ahead. Then the night before the party I simply placed them on the cake along with the toy characters. Such a time saver!

The “sand” is made from graham cracker crumbs mixed with finely chopped pecans. I couldn’t resist using Goldfish crackers for the cute fishes swimming around the cake.

Captain Barnacles is his favorite character.

Assembling the cake layers with the chocolate cream cheese frosting.

Professor Inkling is one of my personal favorites.

I’m especially proud of the white and orange trims.

A Taste of Art for the Holidays

December 11, 2019December 11, 2019 | davinabehinjones

I had my first “in person” art show at the Half Moon Bay Library on December 7th and 8th with the Colony of Coastside Artists. It was a blast! I had never met and spoken to so many people about my artwork – and they were all so supportive and kind! My husband, Nick, acted as my spokesperson when my shyness threatened to send me inside my shell and I was honored to make connections with so many fascinating people. I even got to hear an octopus story!

The library is gorgeous. The natural light from all the windows showed off our art beautifully. And the librarians were hospitable heroes! They made the entire event seamless and fun.